I have a husband who is generally very even-keeled. It takes alot to upset him, alot to frustrate him, and alot to rattle him. USUALLY. Lately, that has not been the case. This pregnancy in particular, has brought out a side of my husband I had not seen before. To be fair, I'm sure he would say the same about me, but I have hormones on my side, so I'm not the one on trial here. Anyhow, he has been quick-tempered, lazier, easily frustratable and generally less easy going this time around. Which seems strange to me. This time I feel like it will be basically a piece of cake. It's our third go round (granted, 3 in 31 months is enough to rattle ANYONE a little!), we know generally what to expect, we are much more stable as a family and with our finances, and yet my husband doesn't seem to be coping well. We are blessed. There's just no other way to say it. We have had little to no trials or complications in our lives, and certainly no tragedies. We have FAAAR more in every way than most other people, and without a doubt most other people our age. And yet this week, my husband is depressed. Why, you ask? Well, mainly because he didn't get the promotion he wanted when he's only been with the company for 2 years. Yes, he's had raises and significant bonuses. Yes, he's been promoted twice laterally in the company. Yes, he's had very positive feedback and has been told he is looked at as promotable and managerial material.
Secondly, because he feels he doesn't really have friends. I have tried several times to get him to go out with some of my friends' husbands, to no avail. I have suggested a poker club with some of the guys on the street. I have offered to have the guys over to watch games. But he doesn't seem interested. I don't know where he should go to meet guy friends, and I really don't know what he expects at this phase of our lives when we have 3 children under 3. Evenings are relaxed because our kids go to bed early. But then we are in for the night. One or the other of us can go out, but not both. We are limited as to our activities.
Which brings me to the apparent third reason for his distress. He's bored at night. Umm, I'm due in two weeks, so I just don't feel like doing a whole lot at night unless the nesting urge hits and I want to clean. He doesn't want to clean or do projects. He doesn't want to watch tv. He doesn't want to read. He doesn't want to surf the net, or at least objects if that's what I choose to do instead of watching a guy show with him. I have no idea what I am supposed to do to make him happy.
And then the fear strikes. What if this is the beginning of the end? What if this malcontent makes him look elsewhere for happiness and excitement? What if he takes off with another woman and leaves me broken hearted and penniless with three children? Or worse, what if God decides to give us something to complain about and our first real tragedies strike? I won't even make suggestions there, because I can't bear to think about the possibilities. And so, as my husband mopes around, I feel myself beginning to slip. I try to keep my chin up so my kids won't notice the change. I speak in a high pitched, happy-mommy voice and smile when I feel like crying. And if my husband read this, he would say, "It's not that bad, honey. I'm sure I'll be over it soon. It's not that big a deal." But the fickleness still remains. Last week he loved his job and promotion or not, he would be perfectly happy. Last week, sitting around just the two of us watching tv felt great! Last week, he couldn't wait to be home with us and wouldn't dream of going out with COWORKERS of all people for drinks and appetizers when he could spend the afternoon with the kids instead. How things change in the course of a week. I hope I don't get postpartum depression, cause somebody has to keep this ship afloat in the coming weeks! Livi, I can't wait until you arrive and I know you will help snap your Daddy out of this funk. Maybe then he'll remember that you guys are the ones we live for and that our lives and happiness may be put on hold for a while so we can devote our time and energy to growing the best possible kids. And let me tell you, it's paying off so far. We have some terrific kiddos! I love you guys SOOOOO much and thank you for making me smile, even when I don't think I can.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
Almost time!
At my doctor's appointment on Friday, June 8 (happy 5th anniversary us!) I was 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced! I think that's good news, but with the boys I didn't dilate or efface AT ALL until late in my labor. I was actually at the doctor's each time during the day with the boys and was told I wasn't doing anything and would probably be late. I've had ALOT of cramping and Braxton Hicks contractions lately, but you never know! I'm starting to feel more anxious about the boys' reactions to the baby and the changes than I am about the house cleaning now. I was awake at 5:30 this morning thinking through all the possible scenarios for people coming to stay with the boys, depending on the day I go into labor. June 21st, is my ideal day because it allows my mom to come up for the birth, spend a couple of weekend nights here taking care of the boys while we're at the hospital, and then head home for work for the week. Ryan would be off that week, so I would have help for the first week home. Then my mom would return Friday the 29th and stay through July 8, and Roger would come for the week of July 9. I would have 3 straight weeks of help, which I have never had anything close to for the other births! I'm sure I'll need it this time more than ever!
Olivia's room is all done, and I am so pleased with the result. I ended up fabric dying white pillow shams and bedskirt pink because I refused to pay $95 for that, and they came out really well! We had to cut down the roman shade a little, but miraculously, that worked out well too! It's a relief to have all those things done. Everything is washed up, the batteries are changed in all the baby gadgets, and the bassinet is at the ready! My hospital bag is MOSTLY packed, and I've wrapped the babies I plan to give the boys at the hospital. I am hoping they will take care of "their" babies, while I take care of Olivia, but we'll see how that goes. I stocked up at Wal-mart today on all the non perishables, and plan to make two freezer meals this week, lasagna and chicken enchiladas, so that will help too. I haven't finished cleaning the floorboards, doors, light fixtures, and carpets yet, but the nesting bug seems to have slowed a bit in the past week or so. I did clean out the pantry and freezer today because I would be ashamed to have someone staying here with the boys come across some of the nastiness I uncovered! Ewww!
Well, Miss Olivia, we are all anxiously awaiting your arrival and can't wait to see your beautiful face or discover who you will be. I know your brothers will be enchanted with you, especially Jack, and I think you will grow to be Sam's pet as well. I think you may be the last addition to this family, but we may decide we want to expand some more in a few years. We'll have to wait and see how things go. You make your appearance whenever you think you're ready, but if you wanna make Mama happy, please come sometime between now and the 21st! Hope your journey is safe and more pleasant than it will be for me! See you on the other side, baby girl!
Olivia's room is all done, and I am so pleased with the result. I ended up fabric dying white pillow shams and bedskirt pink because I refused to pay $95 for that, and they came out really well! We had to cut down the roman shade a little, but miraculously, that worked out well too! It's a relief to have all those things done. Everything is washed up, the batteries are changed in all the baby gadgets, and the bassinet is at the ready! My hospital bag is MOSTLY packed, and I've wrapped the babies I plan to give the boys at the hospital. I am hoping they will take care of "their" babies, while I take care of Olivia, but we'll see how that goes. I stocked up at Wal-mart today on all the non perishables, and plan to make two freezer meals this week, lasagna and chicken enchiladas, so that will help too. I haven't finished cleaning the floorboards, doors, light fixtures, and carpets yet, but the nesting bug seems to have slowed a bit in the past week or so. I did clean out the pantry and freezer today because I would be ashamed to have someone staying here with the boys come across some of the nastiness I uncovered! Ewww!
Well, Miss Olivia, we are all anxiously awaiting your arrival and can't wait to see your beautiful face or discover who you will be. I know your brothers will be enchanted with you, especially Jack, and I think you will grow to be Sam's pet as well. I think you may be the last addition to this family, but we may decide we want to expand some more in a few years. We'll have to wait and see how things go. You make your appearance whenever you think you're ready, but if you wanna make Mama happy, please come sometime between now and the 21st! Hope your journey is safe and more pleasant than it will be for me! See you on the other side, baby girl!
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Updates by kid:
Well, let's see...
Jack is officially over 2.5 years old, and his attitude certainly shows it! Sometimes, he can be the sweetest kid on earth, and at least once a day tells me very seriously "Thank you for take care of us Mommy." But then also nearly once a day he yells "WHAT?" at me in an irritated tone from another room when called upon for nearly anything. Teenagers...scary! He is pedaling his bike now, (all over the house) and singing alot of songs. Among his favorites are "Where is Thumbkin" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." He is very excited about his baby sister, and talks about her and her new room daily. He hasn't gotten upset in the least about his crib reappearing in her room or giving up his changing table (since we replaced it with toy storage in his room!) He did not, however, want to give up the "Diaper Champ" pail until it scared him in his sleep two days in a row, and now it has been gladly relegated to his baby sister's room. He continues to love stories, and his favorite TV shows include "Goodnight Moon," "The Little Einsteins," "Dora the Explorer," and "Diego."
Sam is talking up a storm, and follows Jack like a puppy dog. They go zooming around the house together on their trike and scooting Radio Flyer bikes respectively. Sam has even started saying complete sentences now like "I don't rike it, Mommy," and "Hold you, Mommy." He knows a multitude of words and most of his animals and sounds. He is very snuggly most of the time and has learned to say "thank you" without even being asked at times. We have had to institute time outs with him, but I have to say they have drastically improved his behavior. He cries the whole time, but comes out of the room and automatically says that he's "Sossy" and gives a kiss. I forsee some jealousy issues from Sam when Olivia arrives, but he can say "baby sister" now and it's really cute. With any luck, he'll follow Jack's lead and they will both want to be Mommy's helpers.
They continue to be each other's best friend, and they are always looking for each other when the other is sleeping. They fight like cats and dogs sometimes, but always end up forgiving and forgetting and I try to convince myself that they are learning good skills in negotiation and compromise, but we'll see! Their new favorite way to spend the afternoon is in the backyard, circulating among the swingset/slide, baby fishing pool, sandbox, and picnic table for snacks and popsicles. Oh, and bubbles, both manmade and bubble machine generated provide hours of fun. I have to admit, sitting outside under the shade of the umbrella with a slight breeze and my swollen feet dipped in the cool baby pool in the afternoon with bubbles swirling around my head and my kid's laughing in the background...well, it just doesn't get much better than that.
As for the pregnancy/Olivie, she is due in a little less than 5 weeks, and I'm hoping she'll be early. Not only has this pregnancy been alot harder than the first two, but being huge in the summer is NOT fun. The room is coming along nicely, and we have painted pink, hung and painted chair molding, added green stripes, and are just about ready to hang the rest of the decor. I was hoping for a June 1 deadline to have everything done, but I'm not sure we'll make it with Ryan going out of town this week. This weekend we have pressure washed the house, painted and stained the front porch, stained the back deck, organized the garage, and run errands. Tomorrow (Memorial Day) is going to be Spring Cleaning inside and hopefully hanging all the things that have been sitting around for ages. Ryan is hoping my nesting stage will end soon since his back can't take much more manual labor! And I have done as much as possible, but I have so much cramping and tightness all the time, moving around can be difficult.
I feel both ready and very afraid of a new baby in the house again. I can't wait to smell those baby smells, and watch her learn all the things she'll learn in the first few years. I'm excited to think of the bond a mother can only have with a daughter. But I'm also afraid. Afraid of the way it will change the relationship I have with the boys. Afraid of not being able to say "me and the boys." Afraid of having enough of myself to go around. Afraid that discipline will slip in light of the exhaustion and frustration of having 3 kids under 3. Afraid of not being the "perfect mom." A few more weeks will make it all very clear. I can't wait to meet you, my sweet baby girl. I love you already.
Jack is officially over 2.5 years old, and his attitude certainly shows it! Sometimes, he can be the sweetest kid on earth, and at least once a day tells me very seriously "Thank you for take care of us Mommy." But then also nearly once a day he yells "WHAT?" at me in an irritated tone from another room when called upon for nearly anything. Teenagers...scary! He is pedaling his bike now, (all over the house) and singing alot of songs. Among his favorites are "Where is Thumbkin" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." He is very excited about his baby sister, and talks about her and her new room daily. He hasn't gotten upset in the least about his crib reappearing in her room or giving up his changing table (since we replaced it with toy storage in his room!) He did not, however, want to give up the "Diaper Champ" pail until it scared him in his sleep two days in a row, and now it has been gladly relegated to his baby sister's room. He continues to love stories, and his favorite TV shows include "Goodnight Moon," "The Little Einsteins," "Dora the Explorer," and "Diego."
Sam is talking up a storm, and follows Jack like a puppy dog. They go zooming around the house together on their trike and scooting Radio Flyer bikes respectively. Sam has even started saying complete sentences now like "I don't rike it, Mommy," and "Hold you, Mommy." He knows a multitude of words and most of his animals and sounds. He is very snuggly most of the time and has learned to say "thank you" without even being asked at times. We have had to institute time outs with him, but I have to say they have drastically improved his behavior. He cries the whole time, but comes out of the room and automatically says that he's "Sossy" and gives a kiss. I forsee some jealousy issues from Sam when Olivia arrives, but he can say "baby sister" now and it's really cute. With any luck, he'll follow Jack's lead and they will both want to be Mommy's helpers.
They continue to be each other's best friend, and they are always looking for each other when the other is sleeping. They fight like cats and dogs sometimes, but always end up forgiving and forgetting and I try to convince myself that they are learning good skills in negotiation and compromise, but we'll see! Their new favorite way to spend the afternoon is in the backyard, circulating among the swingset/slide, baby fishing pool, sandbox, and picnic table for snacks and popsicles. Oh, and bubbles, both manmade and bubble machine generated provide hours of fun. I have to admit, sitting outside under the shade of the umbrella with a slight breeze and my swollen feet dipped in the cool baby pool in the afternoon with bubbles swirling around my head and my kid's laughing in the background...well, it just doesn't get much better than that.
As for the pregnancy/Olivie, she is due in a little less than 5 weeks, and I'm hoping she'll be early. Not only has this pregnancy been alot harder than the first two, but being huge in the summer is NOT fun. The room is coming along nicely, and we have painted pink, hung and painted chair molding, added green stripes, and are just about ready to hang the rest of the decor. I was hoping for a June 1 deadline to have everything done, but I'm not sure we'll make it with Ryan going out of town this week. This weekend we have pressure washed the house, painted and stained the front porch, stained the back deck, organized the garage, and run errands. Tomorrow (Memorial Day) is going to be Spring Cleaning inside and hopefully hanging all the things that have been sitting around for ages. Ryan is hoping my nesting stage will end soon since his back can't take much more manual labor! And I have done as much as possible, but I have so much cramping and tightness all the time, moving around can be difficult.
I feel both ready and very afraid of a new baby in the house again. I can't wait to smell those baby smells, and watch her learn all the things she'll learn in the first few years. I'm excited to think of the bond a mother can only have with a daughter. But I'm also afraid. Afraid of the way it will change the relationship I have with the boys. Afraid of not being able to say "me and the boys." Afraid of having enough of myself to go around. Afraid that discipline will slip in light of the exhaustion and frustration of having 3 kids under 3. Afraid of not being the "perfect mom." A few more weeks will make it all very clear. I can't wait to meet you, my sweet baby girl. I love you already.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Wow, where did the last month go?
Well the last month has been a flurry of things:
My sisters and all 6 of their kids making our house the spring break destination
Failing my glucose test (but only the first time by one point, and passing the second one)
Getting a horrible nasty cold that put me solidly in bed for two days, and knocked me down for at least two weeks
Falling down the garage stairs and ending up bruising my foot, my legs, and my back (after screaming like a 90 year old woman as I went down and managing to traumatize the boys who were already waiting for me in the van)
My baby shower for Olivia
Painting the baby's room pink (and still not finishing the chair moulding or the green painting)
A yard sale
Spotting and cramps that prompted me to call the doctor and still have me wondering if this baby is going to come too early
A 6 hour day in the car to spend the day at my sister in law's college graduation
Hosting the inlaws for 2 days
Playdates, zoo trips, temper tantrums, and the usual household chores
And about a million other things I still haven't managed to accomplish
The boys have been changing so much in the last few weeks. It seems like a new favorite phrase or activity surfaces every couple of days. This weekend it has been "I can't even beweeve it mom!" and today he said to Sammy in a tone not at all unlike my own "Oh, HONEEE, why did you do dat? You are making me cwazy!"
From one moment to the next, they are sharing, then fighting, then hugging, then punching. But no matter what, at the end of the day, and first thing in the morning, it is clear that they are the very best friends, and know that the bond they share is something extremely important and something eternal. It's so powerful for me as a mother to watch them spend time together and learn from one another. I wish I could control our lives like a Tivo box to rewind and pause at will. I wouldn't require a fast forward button- the time is passing too quickly as it is, whether good or bad. I watched the movie "Click" the other night, but I think the message there is entirely different from what I would desire or accomplish with my remote. I do not seek power or influence or money or position. I seek the opportunity to extend the happy periods with my kids and husband or rewind; both to eradicate the mistakes I have made and to laugh again at the precious things they do each day. I can't help but wonder in the evenings if I did enough for them that day. Did I make them feel important and appreciated? Did they go to bed knowing how very much I love them? Did I teach them respect and self control and how to be a good person today? Was today a day that made them happy?
I feel so blessed at various points throughout each day, and I always wonder if I will remember those moments. If I'll remember what they did that made me laugh so hard. Will I remember the sound of Sammy's laughter when he's being tickled, or the way they squeal and their feet pitter patter as they run through the house when I'm the "Mommy monster"? When they are teenagers, will I recall the smell of their sweet skin after a bath when I hold them to rock or read a bedtime story? How long will I get to enjoy taking a warm bath with them in the evenings? I love that time. I relax in the water with them, and all is right with the world. How much longer will they want to "snuggle with me" and spontaneously say "I WUV you Mommy"? I know these are all fleeting moments, and my earnest prayer is that these memories will stay with me, captured forever in my mind and my heart.
My sisters and all 6 of their kids making our house the spring break destination
Failing my glucose test (but only the first time by one point, and passing the second one)
Getting a horrible nasty cold that put me solidly in bed for two days, and knocked me down for at least two weeks
Falling down the garage stairs and ending up bruising my foot, my legs, and my back (after screaming like a 90 year old woman as I went down and managing to traumatize the boys who were already waiting for me in the van)
My baby shower for Olivia
Painting the baby's room pink (and still not finishing the chair moulding or the green painting)
A yard sale
Spotting and cramps that prompted me to call the doctor and still have me wondering if this baby is going to come too early
A 6 hour day in the car to spend the day at my sister in law's college graduation
Hosting the inlaws for 2 days
Playdates, zoo trips, temper tantrums, and the usual household chores
And about a million other things I still haven't managed to accomplish
The boys have been changing so much in the last few weeks. It seems like a new favorite phrase or activity surfaces every couple of days. This weekend it has been "I can't even beweeve it mom!" and today he said to Sammy in a tone not at all unlike my own "Oh, HONEEE, why did you do dat? You are making me cwazy!"
From one moment to the next, they are sharing, then fighting, then hugging, then punching. But no matter what, at the end of the day, and first thing in the morning, it is clear that they are the very best friends, and know that the bond they share is something extremely important and something eternal. It's so powerful for me as a mother to watch them spend time together and learn from one another. I wish I could control our lives like a Tivo box to rewind and pause at will. I wouldn't require a fast forward button- the time is passing too quickly as it is, whether good or bad. I watched the movie "Click" the other night, but I think the message there is entirely different from what I would desire or accomplish with my remote. I do not seek power or influence or money or position. I seek the opportunity to extend the happy periods with my kids and husband or rewind; both to eradicate the mistakes I have made and to laugh again at the precious things they do each day. I can't help but wonder in the evenings if I did enough for them that day. Did I make them feel important and appreciated? Did they go to bed knowing how very much I love them? Did I teach them respect and self control and how to be a good person today? Was today a day that made them happy?
I feel so blessed at various points throughout each day, and I always wonder if I will remember those moments. If I'll remember what they did that made me laugh so hard. Will I remember the sound of Sammy's laughter when he's being tickled, or the way they squeal and their feet pitter patter as they run through the house when I'm the "Mommy monster"? When they are teenagers, will I recall the smell of their sweet skin after a bath when I hold them to rock or read a bedtime story? How long will I get to enjoy taking a warm bath with them in the evenings? I love that time. I relax in the water with them, and all is right with the world. How much longer will they want to "snuggle with me" and spontaneously say "I WUV you Mommy"? I know these are all fleeting moments, and my earnest prayer is that these memories will stay with me, captured forever in my mind and my heart.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Boy wars and destruction have begun...
We had our first casualty of war in the house, and it was our poor wipes container. During a fierce shoving competition, Thing One pushed Thing Two backwards (though hardly a fair fight considering the 13 month age difference, although only 1 pound apart) and Thing Two landed on the wipes container. It was closed at the time, but somehow the lid was broken clean off the top. Remind me to hide all breakable and valuable items somewhere far away until my boys go off to college. Maybe the addition of a sweet little girl will temper their battles, but maybe not. Besides, with the ultrasound results from last week declaring her 2.7 pounds at 27 weeks, and in the 81st percentile, it looks like we have a bruiser on our hands. Who knows, maybe she'll be the one to shove the older two around with her little pink painted fingernailed hands. Aaah, I can't wait!
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Penis Discovery in our house
It's been coming for a while now. With me taking an occasional bath with the boys, and the inevitable "Where is Mommy's penis?" questions, then watching Daddy streak from the bathroom to his closet each morning (i'm sure our neighbors appreciate that) and then Sam's penis retraction surgery, the boys were bound to have some penis curiosity sooner or later. Well, having Sam's penis retracted was like opening Pandora's box for him, and it has become impossible to keep his hands off himself either during diaper changes (EWWW) or bath time. But tonight, I stepped back into the bathroom after dressing Sam to find Jack having a field day with his own member. He smiled up at me and said "My penis keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And then I squished it."
Yeah, I laughed out loud, and he moved on to playing with a toy car. Ahh, the joys of mothering boys!
Yeah, I laughed out loud, and he moved on to playing with a toy car. Ahh, the joys of mothering boys!
Friday, March 23, 2007
The vomit finally hit the fan
Well, I was reading another post recently from "Where Boys Fear to Tread" that was entitled "You're Not A Parent Until You've..." and I need to add to that until you've been showered with vomit!
You would think that as the mother of nearly 3 children under three (number three being due in June) I would already have experienced a puke shower, but not until today. My two year old woke up this morning complaining that he "didn't feel well" but he just kinda rolled around on the couch watching Playhouse Disney, so I assumed he had woken up too early and would just require an early nap. Until he started slapping his lips together in that tell-tale my mouth is filling up with saliva and I'm about to toss cookies kind of way. I didn't want to scare him by rushing him to the bathroom because he has never thrown up before (other than the occasional bit during a dramatic crying episode from time-out), so I sat there and watched as he erupted into a chunky milky volcano all over me and the couch. My plan backfired, because as I freaked out, I upset him anyhow, so I should have just been preemptive and headed for the bathroom in the first place. Poor little guy. He hasn't thrown up since this morning, but the smells coming outta that kid could be used in chemical warfare, for sure.
I knew right away when my neighbor called to say "Well, we won't be playing outside today after all" that we were in trouble.
"Are your kids throwing up," I asked?
"Yep, they started last night," she responded despondently. At least we're in it together.
I'm still waiting for his brother to throw up, but so far, so good. We'll see what happens. Wish me luck!
You would think that as the mother of nearly 3 children under three (number three being due in June) I would already have experienced a puke shower, but not until today. My two year old woke up this morning complaining that he "didn't feel well" but he just kinda rolled around on the couch watching Playhouse Disney, so I assumed he had woken up too early and would just require an early nap. Until he started slapping his lips together in that tell-tale my mouth is filling up with saliva and I'm about to toss cookies kind of way. I didn't want to scare him by rushing him to the bathroom because he has never thrown up before (other than the occasional bit during a dramatic crying episode from time-out), so I sat there and watched as he erupted into a chunky milky volcano all over me and the couch. My plan backfired, because as I freaked out, I upset him anyhow, so I should have just been preemptive and headed for the bathroom in the first place. Poor little guy. He hasn't thrown up since this morning, but the smells coming outta that kid could be used in chemical warfare, for sure.
I knew right away when my neighbor called to say "Well, we won't be playing outside today after all" that we were in trouble.
"Are your kids throwing up," I asked?
"Yep, they started last night," she responded despondently. At least we're in it together.
I'm still waiting for his brother to throw up, but so far, so good. We'll see what happens. Wish me luck!
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