It's true. Livi is almost three months old now, and with my ten year high school reunion rapidly approaching, I have to face how quickly the ticks on the clock have begun tocking. TEN YEARS! That seems like a lifetime, and such a short time, and yet when I think of all the things that have transpired since then, it seems like an eternity! In the last ten years, I have had and broken up with several boyfriends, attended and graduated from college, been in a sorority, met and married the love of my life. I have bought 2 houses and sold one. My parents have divorced and both remarried. I have given birth to three beautiful and healthy children. I have been overseas twice. I have taught school for four years at two different middle schools, and stayed at home for four years to raise my kids. I have supported my husband as he completed his MBA full-time at Wake Forest. I could go on and on, but that alone shows such a multitude of change in such a short time. Wow. I can't even imagine what the next ten years will bring.
The kids continue to amuse and fascinate me, Ryan, and each other. We have become SOOO busy lately with playdates and preschool and educational outings, that it seems we are barely home. Livi has settled into a nice routine, napping briefly in the morning, taking a LOOOONG afternoon nap, and then a quick evening snooze. She goes down for the night at about 9:00 which is a-okay with me, and sleeps well most nights, waking around 8-9 am. She smiles and is very social; always willing to give up sleep, food, pretty much anything for a chance to coo, smile, and talk. She is starting to play peekaboo which thrills the boys to no end, as they can see her interacting and reacting to them and their ploys for her attention. She still likes to be swaddled to sleep and requires motion (either being held or swinging) to fall and stay asleep. She toots like a truck driver, much to the delight of her brothers and the amusement of her parents! But despite that, she is a very sweet and pretty baby girl. I love dressing her in pink and putting delicate shoes on her. I can't wait until she has hair and I can start with the bows and barettes and hairstyles! She sleeps really well when I put on the light classical music channel, which has made me nostalgic for my own classical music performance era, and has set me about searching for a used piano to buy that I have no room for in my house.
I adore the kids and being a SAHM, but I catch myself daydreaming sometimes about what I might do when they are more independent. I'll be a concert flautist, or a pediatrician, or a very successful entrepreneur, or any number of unlikely things. It's like I'm still a child, waiting to see what I will be when I "grow up," despite knowing that I will never grow up! Some days as I look at my life, I am sure I will awaken, still a child in our old house in Hunting Hills with my mother's soft, cool hands smoothing my hair away from my forehead and tell her that I had a wonderful dream about being married and having kids. My life really couldn't be much better than it is, and yet it seems so unfair that you don't get multiple chances. Ooh, choose your own adventure and go back and see what happens if you go THAT way instead. I hope everyone wonders such things and I'm not the only dreamer.
Today we were next door at Tammy's for a birthday brunch for Carrie and once everyone else had left and the 4 boys were upstairs playing, I called for them to come down and put on shoes so we could leave. Jackson, Caden, and Connor appeared at the top of the stairs, but no Sam. "Where's Sam," I asked the boys. We don't know was the response. Tammy and I began a frantic search through the house and the yard, sure he was hurt or lost. We tried the bathroom door upstairs and found it locked. When we opened it, we found Sammy fast asleep on the bath mat on the floor. My kids NEVER sleep like that, and it's especially amazing because I found Jackson asleep on the floor of his room by the door the other night. I think he was trying to see under his door and watch for us, and fell asleep waiting.
I see signs of him growing up every day. The other day I lay with him in the toddler bed while he got ready for his nap. After he rubbed my face and played with my hair for a while and I fell asleep, he woke me up to say "Get out of my bed now, Mom. I want to look at stories." And just like that I was dismissed! Tomorrow will be our first attempt at him going into preschool alone, and I'm anxious to see how that will go. Perhaps the mommies are the ones that need/cling to the kids, and not vice versa.
Well, he's awake from his nap now and calling for me, so I had better go and gather him up. I do cherish the time I have alone with each child.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Preschool beginnings...
Today Jackson started preschool at BC Preschool. You may recall my earlier post about waiting up all night to secure a spot for him in January. It seemed light years away then, but here it is, and my firstborn has already begun his school career. For weeks now we have been talking about school beginning, buying his school supplies and trying to ensure that he is both excited about school and clear about what will take place. One of his main concerns was that Sammy was not going to be coming with him. The boys have seldom been away from me, and aside from Sam's "surgery" in February, the boys have never been apart at all. So I decided to leave Sam with our neighbor while I took Jack to school to try and minimize the shock. Sam marched right into Michelle's house without even looking back, but once I said "Bye bye, Sammy" he turned and did his "Mommy?" inquiry. No tears were shed, and I was off with Jack and Liv to take Jackson to school. He had begun to brag this morning that he was the only one who got to go to school. It went something like this: "Mommy not going to school?" "No, Jackson, just you." "Sammy not going to school?" "No, Jackson, just you."
I packed his backpack last night, full of all the required elements: pullups and wipes, change of clothes, folder, snack (pb sandwich, no "peels" -crust-, cut into triangles; raisins; grapes; and goldfish crackers.) I charged the camcorder and made sure to put the camera where I wouldn't forget it. We dropped Sammy off on the way, and Jack watched Sesame Street in the car on the way there. Tammy and Conner were in front of us on Hull street, and we walked in with Emily and Charlie. As we drove by the school, Jackson exclaimed, "There it is!" and we turned in to the parking lot. We took pictures at home before we left, in the parking lot, I camcorded walking into school, and took more pictures at the classroom AND when I picked him up! He did so well going in like a big boy. We put on his name tag, and his teacher, Mrs. Ray helped him put his snack in the bowl, took his folder, and showed him his cubby and hooks for his bookbag and coat. I told him goodbye, he gave me a kiss, and that was it. No tears (from him or from me!) and he seemd to be great! When I picked him up, they were playing on the playground and his teacher said he did great except for a minute or two of tears when another child started crying for mommy and he chimed in.
Meanwhile, Sammy and I stayed at Michelle's to play with Hayden. At one point, Sammy asked for "Jashshon", and when I told him Jackson was at school, he didn't believe me and proceeded to wander around Michelle's house yelling for Jackson.
When we picked Jackson up at school, the first question was "Where's Sammy," and relief when I said he was in the car waiting for us.
Immediately upon entering the van, he said, "SAMMY!" and while stroking Sam's little cheek said "There you are!" like he had been looking for him all along.
Jackson brought home his first art made without me, and said he made it "For you, Mommy, because you're so pretty." I have taught him the art of sucking up quite well, as you can see!
Absence certainly made the heart grow fonder, and they played very peacefully all afternoon. They rode bikes and cars, and every so often Jackson would declare a "Switch," and they would trade vehicles without complaint. They tossed a football in the kitchen while I made dinner, and Jackson tried to teach Sam to ride his beloved red Radio Flyer tricycle.
J: "No, Sam, put your feet like this on the pedaws, no, like THIS. There you go, now I'll push you. Pedal, pedal, pedal, just like that. Now you try it by youself, Sammy." (While gently pushing the tricycle so Sam could practice the motion with his feet on the pedals.)
It was heart-breakingly cute, and the way they called for each other every time they were out of each other's site for the afternoon was also very endearing. Sammy came downstairs after his nap and said, "Hi, buddy." to Jackson. Too cute! I'm so glad they will grow up together and always have each other on which to depend.
I packed his backpack last night, full of all the required elements: pullups and wipes, change of clothes, folder, snack (pb sandwich, no "peels" -crust-, cut into triangles; raisins; grapes; and goldfish crackers.) I charged the camcorder and made sure to put the camera where I wouldn't forget it. We dropped Sammy off on the way, and Jack watched Sesame Street in the car on the way there. Tammy and Conner were in front of us on Hull street, and we walked in with Emily and Charlie. As we drove by the school, Jackson exclaimed, "There it is!" and we turned in to the parking lot. We took pictures at home before we left, in the parking lot, I camcorded walking into school, and took more pictures at the classroom AND when I picked him up! He did so well going in like a big boy. We put on his name tag, and his teacher, Mrs. Ray helped him put his snack in the bowl, took his folder, and showed him his cubby and hooks for his bookbag and coat. I told him goodbye, he gave me a kiss, and that was it. No tears (from him or from me!) and he seemd to be great! When I picked him up, they were playing on the playground and his teacher said he did great except for a minute or two of tears when another child started crying for mommy and he chimed in.
Meanwhile, Sammy and I stayed at Michelle's to play with Hayden. At one point, Sammy asked for "Jashshon", and when I told him Jackson was at school, he didn't believe me and proceeded to wander around Michelle's house yelling for Jackson.
When we picked Jackson up at school, the first question was "Where's Sammy," and relief when I said he was in the car waiting for us.
Immediately upon entering the van, he said, "SAMMY!" and while stroking Sam's little cheek said "There you are!" like he had been looking for him all along.
Jackson brought home his first art made without me, and said he made it "For you, Mommy, because you're so pretty." I have taught him the art of sucking up quite well, as you can see!
Absence certainly made the heart grow fonder, and they played very peacefully all afternoon. They rode bikes and cars, and every so often Jackson would declare a "Switch," and they would trade vehicles without complaint. They tossed a football in the kitchen while I made dinner, and Jackson tried to teach Sam to ride his beloved red Radio Flyer tricycle.
J: "No, Sam, put your feet like this on the pedaws, no, like THIS. There you go, now I'll push you. Pedal, pedal, pedal, just like that. Now you try it by youself, Sammy." (While gently pushing the tricycle so Sam could practice the motion with his feet on the pedals.)
It was heart-breakingly cute, and the way they called for each other every time they were out of each other's site for the afternoon was also very endearing. Sammy came downstairs after his nap and said, "Hi, buddy." to Jackson. Too cute! I'm so glad they will grow up together and always have each other on which to depend.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
To my husband on his 29th birthday...
Happy Birthday to my sweet husband.
Thank you for being the kind of husband and father I only dreamed I would have someday.
Thank you for loving us enough to go to work every day, even when we’re all still asleep as you tiptoe out the door. Thank you for being a generous financial provider, and being willing to put the kids and me ahead of your own needs and wants. Thank you for loving the kids even when they whine and cry. Thank you for loving me even when I’m grouchy or unaffectionate, frumpy and pregnant. Thank you for preferring to spend your time with us instead of pursuing other leisure activities. Thank you for sharing your life with us and choosing us to be your family. We are privileged to have you as our own.
You are my best friend and the person I enjoy most. You are the first person I want to share things with, and the one I hope shares everything with me. You are the one that comforts me when I need comfort, listens when I need to air my frustrations, and picks up the pieces (and the toys) when I just can’t do it myself. I miss you when we aren’t together, and I love that we laugh so much nearly every day. I love that you still give me goose bumps.
Even though some people find September 11 to be a day of mourning, this day will forever be to me a day when good conquered evil, and when, 29 years ago, God brought someone beautiful and good into this world who completes my life and shows our children every day a great example of what life is all about.
Happy Birthday to the love of my life, and the man I am proud to wake up next to every morning. Here’s to growing old together, loving every minute, and watching our family grow and change as the years pass. The years may go quickly, but so far they have been FABULOUS and I can’t wait to see what our future together holds! I love you!
Wife
Thank you for being the kind of husband and father I only dreamed I would have someday.
Thank you for loving us enough to go to work every day, even when we’re all still asleep as you tiptoe out the door. Thank you for being a generous financial provider, and being willing to put the kids and me ahead of your own needs and wants. Thank you for loving the kids even when they whine and cry. Thank you for loving me even when I’m grouchy or unaffectionate, frumpy and pregnant. Thank you for preferring to spend your time with us instead of pursuing other leisure activities. Thank you for sharing your life with us and choosing us to be your family. We are privileged to have you as our own.
You are my best friend and the person I enjoy most. You are the first person I want to share things with, and the one I hope shares everything with me. You are the one that comforts me when I need comfort, listens when I need to air my frustrations, and picks up the pieces (and the toys) when I just can’t do it myself. I miss you when we aren’t together, and I love that we laugh so much nearly every day. I love that you still give me goose bumps.
Even though some people find September 11 to be a day of mourning, this day will forever be to me a day when good conquered evil, and when, 29 years ago, God brought someone beautiful and good into this world who completes my life and shows our children every day a great example of what life is all about.
Happy Birthday to the love of my life, and the man I am proud to wake up next to every morning. Here’s to growing old together, loving every minute, and watching our family grow and change as the years pass. The years may go quickly, but so far they have been FABULOUS and I can’t wait to see what our future together holds! I love you!
Wife
Friday, September 7, 2007
What I love...
Well, yet another month has flown by and I'm starting to believe all the people that have been telling me to enjoy my baby and toddlers because soon I will blink and they will be grown and gone. I just finished watching "Father of the Bride" which besides being one of my all-time favs, has taken on a whole new meaning now that Olivia is here with us. It is a huge conglomerate of emotions to think of her growing up and starting a life of her own. The mix of excitement, disbelief, uncertainty, concern and elation that it conjurs are more than my postpartum hormonal emotions can take! There are times during the day when I catch myself saying things like "I can't wait until they're old enough to do this or that by themselves," or "Oh, when they're all in school I can't wait to drink my coffee while it's still warm, watch the 'Today Show' and exercise on a whim." But then a moment comes like my kiddos and I together in the car, with the window down, the warm air blowing on my face, and the sounds of "Finding Nemo" mingling with the laughs of my sweet toddler boys, and I want to freeze time, if not for an eternity, at least for a while longer. My father pointed out to me once that eventually each phase would grow tiresome, and I would long for my children to progress to something new. The logical part of me believes that is true, but the emotional mommy side of me isn't so sure I don't want them to stay this way forever. There are so many things I love about them as they are right now. I love that they want to snuggle at night. I love that Sammy says "Mommy?" in a questioning tone right before I leave his room, just waiting for the reassuring, "Yes, Sammy, Mommy's here" before he lays his little crewcut head and chubby cherubic cheeks on his pillow to settle in for a snooze. I love that Jackson asks for more snuggling, and that if I accidentaly wipe off the kiss I give him, a fresh kiss must replace it before I leave the room. I love that I still take baths with them, and that we laugh and splash, and play for a while in the evenings. I love reading them the same stories over and over, and I love the unprovoked and surprising, "I love you Moms," I get from Jack, and the "I ruv yous" that come from Sammy. I love the way they speak, with their words understandable, but perhaps only by me through the hours of listening to their toddlerese. I love that what I say is law and that I am the person in their world who knows more than anyone else. I love that Jackson still says "God made it?" about everything from flowers, leaves, and clouds to the shoes at Payless. I love that they still love each other, and that they hug and kiss before they go to bed at night. I love the way Olivia smells like a sweet baby and that her head often shows sticky spots where the boys have gently kissed her with peanut butter covered lips. I love that they call her "pretty" and that they mean it. I love the way they call her "baby sister" and that Jackson helps Sam take off his shoes when we come in the house, just because he can and sometimes because Sam or I ask him to. I love that they still wear footie pjs some nights, and the way it feels to have them snuggle against me so their head rests just under my chin, the soft scent of baby soap floating off their hair. I love how curious they are and that everything is so new and exciting to them. I love hearing their little conversations in the playroom while I am in the kitchen, and the way they ask each other questions. I love the way Olivia's mouth forms into a huge gummy "O" when she smiles at me, and that her huge blue eyes are always scanning the room for me when I'm not nearby. I love the way Jack calls Sam "Sammybear" and the way Sammy says "Jashshon" and I wish I had a tape recorder running all the time so I could hear their baby voices every day for the rest of my life. I love that Jackson is still young enough to play football in a fairy princess dress and wings and not think twice about it. I love that their personalities are so different and yet they are each other's best friend. I love that they ask for each other and baby sister anytime they are apart and seem restless until they are together again. I love the way it feels when they run to me and throw their arms around my neck in a perfect, tight squeeze. I love they way they celebrate when Daddy comes home from work, and that we all eat dinner together every night. I love that they thank me for "taking care of me" and think everything I do is pretty great. I love that popsicles are one of their favorite things in the whole world and that they throw their arms up in the air in jubilation every time I say they may have one. I love that Jackson sometimes says "Ew, gwoss, Sammy's all messy," even as he has food smeared all over himself! I love that they don't remember a time without a sibling, and that quite frankly they don't seem to wish they did. I love that they surprise me with the smallest things like putting the eyes and mouth on the right place on the butterfly project even though I didn't think they knew how. I love that they are polite and mannerly most of the time and are always willing to give hugs to anyone whom we prompt them to hug. I love that they are so cute that we are a spectacle everytime we leave the house, and that they like the attention as much as I do. I love that Jack asks me to spin when I have on a skirt and tells me I'm pretty. I love that I can still tickle them until they can't breathe, and the sound of their giggles as they gasp and squirm. I love seeing them in their cribs and toddler bed, so small and dependent. I love the way they look as they sleep, their tiny chests heaving with deep relaxed breaths, so comfortable and trusting that we will protect them. I love the way they still say "hold you" when they really want to BE held. I love the way Jackson snuggles up in my bed in the morning with Olivia and I to watch cartoons until everyone is ready to get up and moving. I love that he brushes his teeth a million times a day and has to use all three kinds of toothpaste every time. I love the way they dance, whether running in circles around the ottoman, grooving from side to side at the table, holding hands and dancing in circles with daddy in the kitchen, or flopping like fish on the floor. I love the way Jackson repeats things back to me just to make sure we're understanding one another, and the way Sammy says things that I didn't know he knew or understood. I love the silly way their mouth scrunches up when they say "Cheese" so they aren't really smiling for the picture at all, but have an adorable silly puckered look on their face instead. I love the way Jackson asks "Is that Silly, Mom?" and Sam just declares "It's so siddy" with his usual confidence. I love the way they run in their diapers, Jackson looking like a Gecko with his long legs and straight torso dashing through the house and Sammy with his legs flying out to the sides of his body and his arms pushing like paddles to propel him forward. I love the way they chase each other around on their bikes through the house and that Jackson is always telling Sam how to do things and that Sam just does it because he's so sweet and accomodating and would do nearly anything for Jackson. I love the way they count, pretend to make pizza, and sing "Where is Thumbkin." I love the way Sammy's hair grows like a weed over his ears, spikes up all over the place, and that Jackson's is so fine and thin you almost can't see it. I love to catch glimpses of who they will be someday in every action and word of the present. I love to imagine what the future will hold for them, and reminisce about the way they used to do things when they were babies. But more than anything else, I love that they are mine and that I have the privilege of enjoying every minute of the here and now with them, and that I have the honor of spending my life as their mother.
Monday, August 13, 2007
I am SOOO behind!
Olivia is six weeks old already! SIX WEEKS! Where has the time gone? She has continued to be an amazingly sweet baby, smiling often since week one, and sleeping when requested. We have lost maybe 5 hours total sleep to her being awake (note: not crying, just awake) and she is now learning how to entertain herself in the swing, activity mat, or bouncy seat, which is giving me opportunities to get a few things done!
We went to the beach last week- Emerald Isle. The boys were SOOO excited to go and did a great job in the car for the 4.5 hour ride, except for Sammy's new habit of spitting just to antagonize Jackson who is stuck in the seat beside him! Jackson screams and tattles every time, and Sam has taken to doing it ever so softly after being yelled at for it a million times!
Sammy has begun telling us "I Ruv you" without any prompting, which is one of those sweet things that your kids do that keep you wiping noses, cleaning butts, and enduring goldfish crumbs all over your house.
But I digress...the beach! Jackson loved the waves and Sam loved the sand. Jackson hated the sand and Sam hated the waves. Polar opposites much? We spent much time inside for naps in the afternoon and because I didn't want to keep Livi out in the heat too much and MAN was it HOT! Humidity and heat were at an extreme and I swear there is nothing more frustrating than getting three crying babies/toddlers up a boardwalk who are covered in sand and have burning feet to get to a shower and clean them off and then trudge to the beach house that you are LOCKED OUT OF! I had to scale the house and go in the second floor balcony door to get us back in and I think the adrenaline I felt I could have jumped up in a single leap, if necessary. I was going to get into that house one way or another because my kids needed a nap and clean clothes and lunch and let's just say I was not in the best spirits from that.
The boys shared a room with Josh and I am so pleased that they slept so well in the same room. It reassured me that they will be able to share a room well in a year or so when the time comes.
I thought perhaps Jackson was ready for potty training today, but it turns out...not so much! When he got up, I asked if he wanted to wear big boy underwear like his cousin Josh does and use the potty and he enthusiastically said "YES!" So I commenced with the ceremonially first wearing of underwear and took pictures, and Sammy chimed in "My turn," so he wore a pair over his diaper. Jack did make a poo poo in the potty and earned some Skittles, but proceeded to pee in his underwear. He changed into clean big boy pants and did it AGAIN! By the third time, it became clear he was deliberately peeing in his pants, just to get to see what other new pair of underwear he could put on. "Hurray- car boxer briefs! Oops, I peed again...what's next?"
So apparently he is not so ready for potty training so we'll wait and try again later.
The boys continue to love on baby sister and give her kisses and compete for her smiles. I certainly think she is going to be the princess of this family, with everyone fawning over her all the time!
Jackson has reached the point of asking "Why" all the time which is driving me crazy aside from his incessant talking. Sam just responds "What" like a bored teenager whenever called upon, and we are convinced he's the only one year old that has a teenager's attitude. But his vocabulary is growing by the minute, and we are always amazed by the sentences he comes up with. They're growing up too fast and I need to be taking the time to record more specifics because I already forget them from day to day.
We went to the beach last week- Emerald Isle. The boys were SOOO excited to go and did a great job in the car for the 4.5 hour ride, except for Sammy's new habit of spitting just to antagonize Jackson who is stuck in the seat beside him! Jackson screams and tattles every time, and Sam has taken to doing it ever so softly after being yelled at for it a million times!
Sammy has begun telling us "I Ruv you" without any prompting, which is one of those sweet things that your kids do that keep you wiping noses, cleaning butts, and enduring goldfish crumbs all over your house.
But I digress...the beach! Jackson loved the waves and Sam loved the sand. Jackson hated the sand and Sam hated the waves. Polar opposites much? We spent much time inside for naps in the afternoon and because I didn't want to keep Livi out in the heat too much and MAN was it HOT! Humidity and heat were at an extreme and I swear there is nothing more frustrating than getting three crying babies/toddlers up a boardwalk who are covered in sand and have burning feet to get to a shower and clean them off and then trudge to the beach house that you are LOCKED OUT OF! I had to scale the house and go in the second floor balcony door to get us back in and I think the adrenaline I felt I could have jumped up in a single leap, if necessary. I was going to get into that house one way or another because my kids needed a nap and clean clothes and lunch and let's just say I was not in the best spirits from that.
The boys shared a room with Josh and I am so pleased that they slept so well in the same room. It reassured me that they will be able to share a room well in a year or so when the time comes.
I thought perhaps Jackson was ready for potty training today, but it turns out...not so much! When he got up, I asked if he wanted to wear big boy underwear like his cousin Josh does and use the potty and he enthusiastically said "YES!" So I commenced with the ceremonially first wearing of underwear and took pictures, and Sammy chimed in "My turn," so he wore a pair over his diaper. Jack did make a poo poo in the potty and earned some Skittles, but proceeded to pee in his underwear. He changed into clean big boy pants and did it AGAIN! By the third time, it became clear he was deliberately peeing in his pants, just to get to see what other new pair of underwear he could put on. "Hurray- car boxer briefs! Oops, I peed again...what's next?"
So apparently he is not so ready for potty training so we'll wait and try again later.
The boys continue to love on baby sister and give her kisses and compete for her smiles. I certainly think she is going to be the princess of this family, with everyone fawning over her all the time!
Jackson has reached the point of asking "Why" all the time which is driving me crazy aside from his incessant talking. Sam just responds "What" like a bored teenager whenever called upon, and we are convinced he's the only one year old that has a teenager's attitude. But his vocabulary is growing by the minute, and we are always amazed by the sentences he comes up with. They're growing up too fast and I need to be taking the time to record more specifics because I already forget them from day to day.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Welcome Olivia Ann!
Our baby girl is finally here! She was born Saturday, June 30, 2007 at 5:24 pm. Weighing in at 8 pounds, 15 ounces and 20 1/4 inches long, she is absolutely perfect! The labor was quick and much easier than I anticipated. I went to the doctor on Friday at 3:20, and he stripped my membranes (again) and stretched me to 3 cm from 1 cm and 75 % effaced. That evening I began having contractions and ended up with 6 hours of false labor, ending around 3 am. The next morning I woke up feeling crampy, but not expecting much after the disappointment from the night before. At noon, I had a very strong contraction, went to the bathroom, and lost my mucous plug (ewww)! By 2, they were 5 minutes apart and we decided to get started towards the hospital. The boys had to be dressed and dropped off at Tammy's house and the bags needed to go into the car, and we were finally on our way! We arrived at the hospital around 3 pm, but didn't get checked in right away. After two middle of the night hospital arrivals with the boys, I didn't call ahead again this time, and the hospital "wasn't expecting me." After a nasty nurse finally believed I was in labor and got me a room, my contractions were coming almost constantly and were quite strong. Dr. Wiles came in and broke my water, my epidural went in, and in 45 minutes I went from 4 cm to 10 cm and ready to push! I pushed ONE TIME, and next thing I knew, the baby was out!
We came home the next night, and were so glad to sleep in our own bed! The boys have done SOOOO well with their new baby sister. They have been gentle, and calm, and given LOTS of kisses. They like to hold her (especially Jackson) and tell her that they love her. They've even been bringing her toys to share. Livi had a great night last night, and slept from 9 pm until 2 am when I startled awake and worried because she had not eaten for 5 hours! I think my milk had just come in, though and she was stuffed! I ended up waking her up again at 4 and 6:30, and then she woke up on her own at about 8:30. All in all, recovery, experience and all have been so much easier than the first two. We actually went for a long walk around the neighborhood today, and I cooked dinner and everything! I can't believe how good I feel! I guess it just gets easier each time! But then, maybe I should knock on wood....
We came home the next night, and were so glad to sleep in our own bed! The boys have done SOOOO well with their new baby sister. They have been gentle, and calm, and given LOTS of kisses. They like to hold her (especially Jackson) and tell her that they love her. They've even been bringing her toys to share. Livi had a great night last night, and slept from 9 pm until 2 am when I startled awake and worried because she had not eaten for 5 hours! I think my milk had just come in, though and she was stuffed! I ended up waking her up again at 4 and 6:30, and then she woke up on her own at about 8:30. All in all, recovery, experience and all have been so much easier than the first two. We actually went for a long walk around the neighborhood today, and I cooked dinner and everything! I can't believe how good I feel! I guess it just gets easier each time! But then, maybe I should knock on wood....
Friday, June 15, 2007
The Other Shoe
I have a husband who is generally very even-keeled. It takes alot to upset him, alot to frustrate him, and alot to rattle him. USUALLY. Lately, that has not been the case. This pregnancy in particular, has brought out a side of my husband I had not seen before. To be fair, I'm sure he would say the same about me, but I have hormones on my side, so I'm not the one on trial here. Anyhow, he has been quick-tempered, lazier, easily frustratable and generally less easy going this time around. Which seems strange to me. This time I feel like it will be basically a piece of cake. It's our third go round (granted, 3 in 31 months is enough to rattle ANYONE a little!), we know generally what to expect, we are much more stable as a family and with our finances, and yet my husband doesn't seem to be coping well. We are blessed. There's just no other way to say it. We have had little to no trials or complications in our lives, and certainly no tragedies. We have FAAAR more in every way than most other people, and without a doubt most other people our age. And yet this week, my husband is depressed. Why, you ask? Well, mainly because he didn't get the promotion he wanted when he's only been with the company for 2 years. Yes, he's had raises and significant bonuses. Yes, he's been promoted twice laterally in the company. Yes, he's had very positive feedback and has been told he is looked at as promotable and managerial material.
Secondly, because he feels he doesn't really have friends. I have tried several times to get him to go out with some of my friends' husbands, to no avail. I have suggested a poker club with some of the guys on the street. I have offered to have the guys over to watch games. But he doesn't seem interested. I don't know where he should go to meet guy friends, and I really don't know what he expects at this phase of our lives when we have 3 children under 3. Evenings are relaxed because our kids go to bed early. But then we are in for the night. One or the other of us can go out, but not both. We are limited as to our activities.
Which brings me to the apparent third reason for his distress. He's bored at night. Umm, I'm due in two weeks, so I just don't feel like doing a whole lot at night unless the nesting urge hits and I want to clean. He doesn't want to clean or do projects. He doesn't want to watch tv. He doesn't want to read. He doesn't want to surf the net, or at least objects if that's what I choose to do instead of watching a guy show with him. I have no idea what I am supposed to do to make him happy.
And then the fear strikes. What if this is the beginning of the end? What if this malcontent makes him look elsewhere for happiness and excitement? What if he takes off with another woman and leaves me broken hearted and penniless with three children? Or worse, what if God decides to give us something to complain about and our first real tragedies strike? I won't even make suggestions there, because I can't bear to think about the possibilities. And so, as my husband mopes around, I feel myself beginning to slip. I try to keep my chin up so my kids won't notice the change. I speak in a high pitched, happy-mommy voice and smile when I feel like crying. And if my husband read this, he would say, "It's not that bad, honey. I'm sure I'll be over it soon. It's not that big a deal." But the fickleness still remains. Last week he loved his job and promotion or not, he would be perfectly happy. Last week, sitting around just the two of us watching tv felt great! Last week, he couldn't wait to be home with us and wouldn't dream of going out with COWORKERS of all people for drinks and appetizers when he could spend the afternoon with the kids instead. How things change in the course of a week. I hope I don't get postpartum depression, cause somebody has to keep this ship afloat in the coming weeks! Livi, I can't wait until you arrive and I know you will help snap your Daddy out of this funk. Maybe then he'll remember that you guys are the ones we live for and that our lives and happiness may be put on hold for a while so we can devote our time and energy to growing the best possible kids. And let me tell you, it's paying off so far. We have some terrific kiddos! I love you guys SOOOOO much and thank you for making me smile, even when I don't think I can.
Secondly, because he feels he doesn't really have friends. I have tried several times to get him to go out with some of my friends' husbands, to no avail. I have suggested a poker club with some of the guys on the street. I have offered to have the guys over to watch games. But he doesn't seem interested. I don't know where he should go to meet guy friends, and I really don't know what he expects at this phase of our lives when we have 3 children under 3. Evenings are relaxed because our kids go to bed early. But then we are in for the night. One or the other of us can go out, but not both. We are limited as to our activities.
Which brings me to the apparent third reason for his distress. He's bored at night. Umm, I'm due in two weeks, so I just don't feel like doing a whole lot at night unless the nesting urge hits and I want to clean. He doesn't want to clean or do projects. He doesn't want to watch tv. He doesn't want to read. He doesn't want to surf the net, or at least objects if that's what I choose to do instead of watching a guy show with him. I have no idea what I am supposed to do to make him happy.
And then the fear strikes. What if this is the beginning of the end? What if this malcontent makes him look elsewhere for happiness and excitement? What if he takes off with another woman and leaves me broken hearted and penniless with three children? Or worse, what if God decides to give us something to complain about and our first real tragedies strike? I won't even make suggestions there, because I can't bear to think about the possibilities. And so, as my husband mopes around, I feel myself beginning to slip. I try to keep my chin up so my kids won't notice the change. I speak in a high pitched, happy-mommy voice and smile when I feel like crying. And if my husband read this, he would say, "It's not that bad, honey. I'm sure I'll be over it soon. It's not that big a deal." But the fickleness still remains. Last week he loved his job and promotion or not, he would be perfectly happy. Last week, sitting around just the two of us watching tv felt great! Last week, he couldn't wait to be home with us and wouldn't dream of going out with COWORKERS of all people for drinks and appetizers when he could spend the afternoon with the kids instead. How things change in the course of a week. I hope I don't get postpartum depression, cause somebody has to keep this ship afloat in the coming weeks! Livi, I can't wait until you arrive and I know you will help snap your Daddy out of this funk. Maybe then he'll remember that you guys are the ones we live for and that our lives and happiness may be put on hold for a while so we can devote our time and energy to growing the best possible kids. And let me tell you, it's paying off so far. We have some terrific kiddos! I love you guys SOOOOO much and thank you for making me smile, even when I don't think I can.
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