Updates by kid:

Well, let's see...
Jack is officially over 2.5 years old, and his attitude certainly shows it! Sometimes, he can be the sweetest kid on earth, and at least once a day tells me very seriously "Thank you for take care of us Mommy." But then also nearly once a day he yells "WHAT?" at me in an irritated tone from another room when called upon for nearly anything. Teenagers...scary! He is pedaling his bike now, (all over the house) and singing alot of songs. Among his favorites are "Where is Thumbkin" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." He is very excited about his baby sister, and talks about her and her new room daily. He hasn't gotten upset in the least about his crib reappearing in her room or giving up his changing table (since we replaced it with toy storage in his room!) He did not, however, want to give up the "Diaper Champ" pail until it scared him in his sleep two days in a row, and now it has been gladly relegated to his baby sister's room. He continues to love stories, and his favorite TV shows include "Goodnight Moon," "The Little Einsteins," "Dora the Explorer," and "Diego."

Sam is talking up a storm, and follows Jack like a puppy dog. They go zooming around the house together on their trike and scooting Radio Flyer bikes respectively. Sam has even started saying complete sentences now like "I don't rike it, Mommy," and "Hold you, Mommy." He knows a multitude of words and most of his animals and sounds. He is very snuggly most of the time and has learned to say "thank you" without even being asked at times. We have had to institute time outs with him, but I have to say they have drastically improved his behavior. He cries the whole time, but comes out of the room and automatically says that he's "Sossy" and gives a kiss. I forsee some jealousy issues from Sam when Olivia arrives, but he can say "baby sister" now and it's really cute. With any luck, he'll follow Jack's lead and they will both want to be Mommy's helpers.

They continue to be each other's best friend, and they are always looking for each other when the other is sleeping. They fight like cats and dogs sometimes, but always end up forgiving and forgetting and I try to convince myself that they are learning good skills in negotiation and compromise, but we'll see! Their new favorite way to spend the afternoon is in the backyard, circulating among the swingset/slide, baby fishing pool, sandbox, and picnic table for snacks and popsicles. Oh, and bubbles, both manmade and bubble machine generated provide hours of fun. I have to admit, sitting outside under the shade of the umbrella with a slight breeze and my swollen feet dipped in the cool baby pool in the afternoon with bubbles swirling around my head and my kid's laughing in the background...well, it just doesn't get much better than that.

As for the pregnancy/Olivie, she is due in a little less than 5 weeks, and I'm hoping she'll be early. Not only has this pregnancy been alot harder than the first two, but being huge in the summer is NOT fun. The room is coming along nicely, and we have painted pink, hung and painted chair molding, added green stripes, and are just about ready to hang the rest of the decor. I was hoping for a June 1 deadline to have everything done, but I'm not sure we'll make it with Ryan going out of town this week. This weekend we have pressure washed the house, painted and stained the front porch, stained the back deck, organized the garage, and run errands. Tomorrow (Memorial Day) is going to be Spring Cleaning inside and hopefully hanging all the things that have been sitting around for ages. Ryan is hoping my nesting stage will end soon since his back can't take much more manual labor! And I have done as much as possible, but I have so much cramping and tightness all the time, moving around can be difficult.

I feel both ready and very afraid of a new baby in the house again. I can't wait to smell those baby smells, and watch her learn all the things she'll learn in the first few years. I'm excited to think of the bond a mother can only have with a daughter. But I'm also afraid. Afraid of the way it will change the relationship I have with the boys. Afraid of not being able to say "me and the boys." Afraid of having enough of myself to go around. Afraid that discipline will slip in light of the exhaustion and frustration of having 3 kids under 3. Afraid of not being the "perfect mom." A few more weeks will make it all very clear. I can't wait to meet you, my sweet baby girl. I love you already.

Wow, where did the last month go?

Well the last month has been a flurry of things:
My sisters and all 6 of their kids making our house the spring break destination
Failing my glucose test (but only the first time by one point, and passing the second one)
Getting a horrible nasty cold that put me solidly in bed for two days, and knocked me down for at least two weeks
Falling down the garage stairs and ending up bruising my foot, my legs, and my back (after screaming like a 90 year old woman as I went down and managing to traumatize the boys who were already waiting for me in the van)
My baby shower for Olivia
Painting the baby's room pink (and still not finishing the chair moulding or the green painting)
A yard sale
Spotting and cramps that prompted me to call the doctor and still have me wondering if this baby is going to come too early
A 6 hour day in the car to spend the day at my sister in law's college graduation
Hosting the inlaws for 2 days
Playdates, zoo trips, temper tantrums, and the usual household chores
And about a million other things I still haven't managed to accomplish

The boys have been changing so much in the last few weeks. It seems like a new favorite phrase or activity surfaces every couple of days. This weekend it has been "I can't even beweeve it mom!" and today he said to Sammy in a tone not at all unlike my own "Oh, HONEEE, why did you do dat? You are making me cwazy!"

From one moment to the next, they are sharing, then fighting, then hugging, then punching. But no matter what, at the end of the day, and first thing in the morning, it is clear that they are the very best friends, and know that the bond they share is something extremely important and something eternal. It's so powerful for me as a mother to watch them spend time together and learn from one another. I wish I could control our lives like a Tivo box to rewind and pause at will. I wouldn't require a fast forward button- the time is passing too quickly as it is, whether good or bad. I watched the movie "Click" the other night, but I think the message there is entirely different from what I would desire or accomplish with my remote. I do not seek power or influence or money or position. I seek the opportunity to extend the happy periods with my kids and husband or rewind; both to eradicate the mistakes I have made and to laugh again at the precious things they do each day. I can't help but wonder in the evenings if I did enough for them that day. Did I make them feel important and appreciated? Did they go to bed knowing how very much I love them? Did I teach them respect and self control and how to be a good person today? Was today a day that made them happy?

I feel so blessed at various points throughout each day, and I always wonder if I will remember those moments. If I'll remember what they did that made me laugh so hard. Will I remember the sound of Sammy's laughter when he's being tickled, or the way they squeal and their feet pitter patter as they run through the house when I'm the "Mommy monster"? When they are teenagers, will I recall the smell of their sweet skin after a bath when I hold them to rock or read a bedtime story? How long will I get to enjoy taking a warm bath with them in the evenings? I love that time. I relax in the water with them, and all is right with the world. How much longer will they want to "snuggle with me" and spontaneously say "I WUV you Mommy"? I know these are all fleeting moments, and my earnest prayer is that these memories will stay with me, captured forever in my mind and my heart.