Sunday, May 6, 2007

Wow, where did the last month go?

Well the last month has been a flurry of things:
My sisters and all 6 of their kids making our house the spring break destination
Failing my glucose test (but only the first time by one point, and passing the second one)
Getting a horrible nasty cold that put me solidly in bed for two days, and knocked me down for at least two weeks
Falling down the garage stairs and ending up bruising my foot, my legs, and my back (after screaming like a 90 year old woman as I went down and managing to traumatize the boys who were already waiting for me in the van)
My baby shower for Olivia
Painting the baby's room pink (and still not finishing the chair moulding or the green painting)
A yard sale
Spotting and cramps that prompted me to call the doctor and still have me wondering if this baby is going to come too early
A 6 hour day in the car to spend the day at my sister in law's college graduation
Hosting the inlaws for 2 days
Playdates, zoo trips, temper tantrums, and the usual household chores
And about a million other things I still haven't managed to accomplish

The boys have been changing so much in the last few weeks. It seems like a new favorite phrase or activity surfaces every couple of days. This weekend it has been "I can't even beweeve it mom!" and today he said to Sammy in a tone not at all unlike my own "Oh, HONEEE, why did you do dat? You are making me cwazy!"

From one moment to the next, they are sharing, then fighting, then hugging, then punching. But no matter what, at the end of the day, and first thing in the morning, it is clear that they are the very best friends, and know that the bond they share is something extremely important and something eternal. It's so powerful for me as a mother to watch them spend time together and learn from one another. I wish I could control our lives like a Tivo box to rewind and pause at will. I wouldn't require a fast forward button- the time is passing too quickly as it is, whether good or bad. I watched the movie "Click" the other night, but I think the message there is entirely different from what I would desire or accomplish with my remote. I do not seek power or influence or money or position. I seek the opportunity to extend the happy periods with my kids and husband or rewind; both to eradicate the mistakes I have made and to laugh again at the precious things they do each day. I can't help but wonder in the evenings if I did enough for them that day. Did I make them feel important and appreciated? Did they go to bed knowing how very much I love them? Did I teach them respect and self control and how to be a good person today? Was today a day that made them happy?

I feel so blessed at various points throughout each day, and I always wonder if I will remember those moments. If I'll remember what they did that made me laugh so hard. Will I remember the sound of Sammy's laughter when he's being tickled, or the way they squeal and their feet pitter patter as they run through the house when I'm the "Mommy monster"? When they are teenagers, will I recall the smell of their sweet skin after a bath when I hold them to rock or read a bedtime story? How long will I get to enjoy taking a warm bath with them in the evenings? I love that time. I relax in the water with them, and all is right with the world. How much longer will they want to "snuggle with me" and spontaneously say "I WUV you Mommy"? I know these are all fleeting moments, and my earnest prayer is that these memories will stay with me, captured forever in my mind and my heart.

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