Friday, June 15, 2007

The Other Shoe

I have a husband who is generally very even-keeled. It takes alot to upset him, alot to frustrate him, and alot to rattle him. USUALLY. Lately, that has not been the case. This pregnancy in particular, has brought out a side of my husband I had not seen before. To be fair, I'm sure he would say the same about me, but I have hormones on my side, so I'm not the one on trial here. Anyhow, he has been quick-tempered, lazier, easily frustratable and generally less easy going this time around. Which seems strange to me. This time I feel like it will be basically a piece of cake. It's our third go round (granted, 3 in 31 months is enough to rattle ANYONE a little!), we know generally what to expect, we are much more stable as a family and with our finances, and yet my husband doesn't seem to be coping well. We are blessed. There's just no other way to say it. We have had little to no trials or complications in our lives, and certainly no tragedies. We have FAAAR more in every way than most other people, and without a doubt most other people our age. And yet this week, my husband is depressed. Why, you ask? Well, mainly because he didn't get the promotion he wanted when he's only been with the company for 2 years. Yes, he's had raises and significant bonuses. Yes, he's been promoted twice laterally in the company. Yes, he's had very positive feedback and has been told he is looked at as promotable and managerial material.
Secondly, because he feels he doesn't really have friends. I have tried several times to get him to go out with some of my friends' husbands, to no avail. I have suggested a poker club with some of the guys on the street. I have offered to have the guys over to watch games. But he doesn't seem interested. I don't know where he should go to meet guy friends, and I really don't know what he expects at this phase of our lives when we have 3 children under 3. Evenings are relaxed because our kids go to bed early. But then we are in for the night. One or the other of us can go out, but not both. We are limited as to our activities.
Which brings me to the apparent third reason for his distress. He's bored at night. Umm, I'm due in two weeks, so I just don't feel like doing a whole lot at night unless the nesting urge hits and I want to clean. He doesn't want to clean or do projects. He doesn't want to watch tv. He doesn't want to read. He doesn't want to surf the net, or at least objects if that's what I choose to do instead of watching a guy show with him. I have no idea what I am supposed to do to make him happy.
And then the fear strikes. What if this is the beginning of the end? What if this malcontent makes him look elsewhere for happiness and excitement? What if he takes off with another woman and leaves me broken hearted and penniless with three children? Or worse, what if God decides to give us something to complain about and our first real tragedies strike? I won't even make suggestions there, because I can't bear to think about the possibilities. And so, as my husband mopes around, I feel myself beginning to slip. I try to keep my chin up so my kids won't notice the change. I speak in a high pitched, happy-mommy voice and smile when I feel like crying. And if my husband read this, he would say, "It's not that bad, honey. I'm sure I'll be over it soon. It's not that big a deal." But the fickleness still remains. Last week he loved his job and promotion or not, he would be perfectly happy. Last week, sitting around just the two of us watching tv felt great! Last week, he couldn't wait to be home with us and wouldn't dream of going out with COWORKERS of all people for drinks and appetizers when he could spend the afternoon with the kids instead. How things change in the course of a week. I hope I don't get postpartum depression, cause somebody has to keep this ship afloat in the coming weeks! Livi, I can't wait until you arrive and I know you will help snap your Daddy out of this funk. Maybe then he'll remember that you guys are the ones we live for and that our lives and happiness may be put on hold for a while so we can devote our time and energy to growing the best possible kids. And let me tell you, it's paying off so far. We have some terrific kiddos! I love you guys SOOOOO much and thank you for making me smile, even when I don't think I can.

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