Tuesday, March 06, 2007
REALLY bad day!
Today had to rank among the top 3 bad days as a stay at home mom. For starters, Ryan was out of town, leaving me to spend about 48 straight hours alone with a 2 year old, one year old, and 6 months pregnant. To get the ball rolling, Jack woke up at 5:30 this morning, and desperately needed more sleep (as did I!). He proceeded to wake Sam up prematurely, sending us into the whiney, crying, morning from hell. We were planning to meet some friends at the mall around 9:45 for Mom's Club, and the boys were monsters getting ready, arriving, while I waited for my food, while we shopped, and finally quieted down on the way home. I could feel myself losing my patience with every cry, every complaint, every refusal to do as asked. I raised my voice, I was clearly exasperated, and I am NOT proud of the mother I was this morning. They took a decent nap and were so-so for the afternoon. It seemed like everything I asked them to do, they did the opposite. I could swear they were searching for ways to make messes, and just to generally frustrate me. It's like they know when there is no relief in sight for me and they join forces for some kind of cooperative operation of "kick her while she's down!" It felt REALLY good to put them to bed, but Jackson came out of his room once, and when I put him back down, he repeatedly asked to sleep in "mom's bed," which he has never requested before. That made me wonder...is it because a.) he knows mom is a sucker and he better ask while daddy is gone, b.) I traumatized him with my bad attitude today and he needs some reassurance that mommy loves him (YIKES) or c.) he just wants to watch tv in my room.
After I came back downstairs from tucking him in the second time, I started to think, "Gee, it would be kinda nice to snuggle with him in my bed. What's the big deal." Then I started thinking about how when the novelty wore off, and I decided it had to stop, the whole thing would have been terribly selfish on my part, and I would be making him feel tossed aside and confused just for the sake of my own wishes. I'm glad I stuck to my guns.
The even sweeter moment came when I started thinking about how he would come wandering into our room in the morning, as is his normal custom now that he is in his "big boy bed" and I could hear his door close (he does that first before coming cautiously down the hall towards our room) and I could imagine him peering curiously into our room waiting to for our response. When I give him the motion to come on in, a huge smile breaks onto his sweet little face, and he runs into the room and closes the door behind him, declaring "I watch tv!" He half climbs, is half pulled onto our bed where he snuggles in between us, makes adorable comments like "Hi mom. You watch tv wit me? I wuv you mommeee." and watches his cartoons until Sam wakes up and our day truly begins. I couldn't help but think, "I can't wait until the morning when I can see him again." Throughout most of the day, I never thought that would cross my mind tonight, but then, that's what makes motherhood beautiful.