Thursday, February 08, 2007
Musings on a changing family
Since finding out about our baby girl, Ryan and I have discussed the growth of our family more than baby names, much to the surprise of us both. We are both growing more comfortable with the idea that a family of three kids might be just right for us, but neither of us is quite ready to commit yet.
It makes me sad to think that this will be the last newborn I nurse in the night, and the last tiny diapers that I change. I mean, I didn't even plan to have kids until I was thirty, and the prospect of being DONE having them at 27 seems a little wacky!
There are so many things I want to cherish, but am afraid that being so busy with three little ones, the moments will slip away unnoticed and I will be left with older kids and longing for the sweet smell and snuggles of a baby or toddler. I will miss the open mouthed kisses and the very deliberate and exaggerated clapping of a one year old. I will miss the mixed up pronouns and shock each time my toddlers say something I didn't know they understood. I'll miss rocking them and reading stories, rubbing lotion on their babysoft skin. I'll miss hearing that soft call for "Mama" when a baby or young toddler needs a reassuring snuggle. I'll miss having kids that NEED a reassuring snuggle. I'll miss the delight of discovery, and the sheer joy in the mundane everyday things.
I know that there will be benefits too! Some freedom and independence...knowing that I'll have an empty nest at 45 years old. Being a fairly young grandmother. But I think I understand now the syndrome of having LOTS of kids. There's just something intoxicating about babies, and I'm not sure I'm ready to give up the addiction just yet. Only time will tell...