Monday, February 11, 2008

A letter to my children

Today I was reading a blog called "The Comfy Place" in which the writer is faced with the possibility of dying from colon cancer in the next 12 months, and leaving behind her beautiful son. This, my sweet children, is my biggest fear. I do not fear death. I do not fear the cause of my death, or the afterlife, for I know that Jesus is my Savior and that I will spend eternity in a place of happiness and glory. But I fear leaving behind my loved ones, particularly you and your father. If I should have the privilege of staying on this earth to raise you, may this be a reminder to me of the lessons I want to teach you. If I am called to heaven while you are still young, may you learn these lessons in my absence, for they are the beliefs most dear to me.
First, I want you to know that I loved each of you with every fiber of my being. I did not know it was possible to love something so fiercely until you came into my life. I adore you; I think you are beautiful, smart, special, worthy, and all things great in this world. If I had to pick one thing to do for the rest of my life, it would unquestionably be to love and care for you. You are my world.
I want you to read the Bible, go to church, and learn to love God. This is the most crucial thing for you to do for yourselves. Someday we can all be together again if you discover the same truths I have; that Jesus came to earth to die on the cross and because of his sacrifice, we are absolved of our sins and able to find eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Please make God a priority in your life. If you do, you will never be alone.
Always do your best. No one can ever expect more of you than this. And no one but you will ever know if you are doing your best.
Love each other. I know if I am gone when you are still young, that there will be many things you will not remember. But you are very loving right now. In fact, you adore one another. I hope that never changes. And every tragedy that you face, you can have each other to help you through it. Giving you each other is one of my proudest gifts.
There is room in your heart for everyone you hold dear. If your father should find someone else to be your mommy, and you love that person, that is okay with me. In fact, I hope you have someone special in your life to do all the things that a mommy does for you and with you. Having and loving another "mommy" will not take anything away from me, and your heart has enough room in it for us both.
Well, I will come back another day and write some more for you, my precious little ones. I have exhausted my emotions for today, and will have to do some pondering, some editing, and some soul searching to be sure I impart the lessons to you I most want to leave behind. And my deepest prayer besides a lifetime of happiness for you, is that I will live a long life here on this earth and have plenty of time to teach you what is important. I hope to watch you grow old, to see your futures unfold, to witness your transformations through the many stages of life, and to someday smother my grandchildren and great-grandchildren with kisses. I love you and always will.


Fern said...

I have been checking that blog too. Heart-wrenching. Your post is beautiful.

Jen said...

I love that our childhood remains with us even now - well at least the good parts of it! You know I've always felt as you do about not being around as my children grow up. Seeing each other in glorious eternity is a peaceful comfort and knowing that you and Shell love my kids (usually!) alleviates my fears as well. I thank God that our children have cousins they adore and aunts/uncles that want to be part of their lives. (Will Kaitlyn be able to visit your house when she's a teenager?)