Thursday, February 21, 2008

Mission: demolition

We ventured to the neighbor's house today for a playdate. We were unshowered, still in pjs and generally messy, but nothing compared to the demolition we unleashed on my poor neighbor's beautiful home.
She is a MUUUUCH better housekeeper than I am, and her house, despite having a 13 year old, 5 year old and 2 year old, is always in fantastic shape; like eat off the floors clean. At least it was that clean BEFORE we arrived.
The boys pair off with one of her sons each time; Jackson with the 5 year old, and Sam with the 2 year old. Generally they go upstairs and play in the boys' rooms while we stay downstairs with Livi and talk. Those are the wonderful and relaxing parts of my day. But today, when Livi woke up from her nap and we went upstairs to get her, and also to check on the boys, we found the sheets in the master bedroom had been "decorated" with something purple. We followed the trail and found not only a pair of Nautica shorts (belonging to her very particular husband) that were also decorated, but eventually ended up at the purple PERMANENT marker. Now, I am very relieved because I am about 99.5 percent sure my kids are not to blame. For one thing, they were not in the master bedroom when we got upstairs. For another thing, Jackson wouldn't DREAM of making anything messy. He is about the world's cleanest kid. Finally, Sam (although being a likely culprit most of the time) has NEVER colored with a marker without also coloring all over his body, especially his face. Seeing as he was not purple, I think he was innocent and my neighbor's two year old was the artist of the day.
As if that wasn't enough, while we were upstairs stripping the sheets, the two year olds disappeared downstairs and we heard them rummaging in the kitchen. My neighbor loudly screamed for her son, even being so bold as to middle name him, causing him to come wandering (already crying with remorse) around the corner with cheese cracker crumbs all over his face.
When we entered the scene of the crime (and I SOOOO wish I had photos of this) we found two chairs moved from the table and carefully placed against the open pantry. And then as we scanned the perimeter, we saw what appeared to be the remains of a box of Cheese Nips after a hand grenade has been detonated INSIDE the box. Wow. She will certainly be finding crumbs for years to come. Both Sam and the neighbor 2 year old pointed the finger at Sam. I still have my doubts. He is not usually a food waster and was even eating the crackers out of the broom pile as my neighbor cleaned up the disaster. We may never know how it happened, but the evidence of a crime will remain in her house for many moons.
Oh yeah, and she served pizza for lunch, which the two year olds dropped on the floor, mashed around, ate a little, and left all over the place. There was pepperoni draped on the table's LEGS.
Silver lining: because the damage is so lasting, she'll always have a reminder of life when her kids were little. You're welcome! Downside: yuck. And um, sorry. We'll have the playdate HERE next time. Heck, my house is already trashed.
So, that is the story of how we were probably never invited back to my neighbors house for a playdate.


Fern said...

I am laughing out loud -- I love the "you're welcome!"

Miriam said...

So what you're saying is you want us to come by your house soon? Sure!